“When will you marry?”

Hi guys, hope you’re all fantastic.

It’s nearly July – aka peak time for weddings. Today’s post is inspired by a hilarious tweet that I saw a few days ago that really resonated with a lot of people…

marriagetweet

It got me thinking, I myself am probably asked

“So… when are you getting married, Wunmi?”

at least a few times a week. So I just wanted to briefly share some of my thoughts on this seemingly comical but ultimately very serious issue.

I suppose because I’ve finished university now these questions are coming thick and fast. What next? When’s the wedding? When do you think he’ll propose? Honestly speaking, my parents aren’t the culprits, which I’m very grateful for. And most people ask in jest, but that doesn’t take away the overwhelming pressure to find a partner and get married almost immediately nowadays. In fact, being in a serious relationship isn’t even a prerequisite to be quizzed about your future husband/wife or lack thereof! You just need to be breathing and you qualify for interrogation.

Wedding fever is now so prevalent that men and especially women over a certain age, can feel undesirable if they’re not “snapped up” in their supposed prime years of childbearing. Not only does this perpetuate insecurity in mature unmarried adults who may still be trusting and waiting on God to reveal to them their spouse, but it also reduces women to a baby-making-machine. That’s it – just have babies – God has no other purpose for you. WRONG! We also forget that it isn’t advisable for absolutely everyone to get married anyway – think about what Paul the Apostle, a trustworthy man of God,  said about getting married in 1 Corinthians 7: 25-38.

Even more so, it’s as if society wants to skip the part which I believe is so crucial – truly knowing the character of the person you’re potentially going to marry. This part can take time! Like the above tweet suggests, it isn’t realistic to just “download your husband”. Why would you become one body with someone that you don’t know or most commonly nowadays, someone you only partially know?

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24

Although time can be an excellent judge of character, I am told that married couples still discover new things about each other even after many decades of friendship and marriage. But it is key to get the basics down. One thing that has really become evident to me through attending so many weddings and talking to married couples is the reoccurring theme of establishing the foundation first. What is your relationship rooted in? Invest in learning and understanding the ins and outs of this person because friendship is a wonderful foundation to build a solid Christ-centred marriage on top of.

Don’t let your

impatience,

outward pressures,

or an idealistic fantasy of married life (based on wishy washy #RelationshipGoals and the media)

suck you into entering a life-long commitment under-prepared.

I’m no expert but I gather that marriage isn’t university fam, you can’t just retake if you have a bad day in the exam hall. This is your life.

“Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27:14‬ ‭

I don’t believe that the word patiently is repeated in this Psalm by coincidence. Patience is important. Sometimes even with prayer and a discerning spirit, if you don’t have the patience and wisdom to match, you can fail to see a person’s true colours before arguably it’s too late. All the more reason why you shouldn’t make such an important decision hastily.

“Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.”

Proverbs‬ ‭19:2‬ ‭

Essentially I just wanted to bring us all back down to earth. Instead of succumbing to the triple threat pressure from parents, peers and society, we need to really ask ourselves – are we ready? Did God say go? The reality of the situation is that your wedding day is just that. One day. It doesn’t matter how many years you devote to meticulously planning every last detail from the colour of the aso oke to the assortment of meats at the buffet. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s still just one day. It will come and before you know it, it will go. Your marriage however, should be forever and I sincerely pray that our generation will meet this standard and have long-lasting, loving, God-centred and not man-centred marriages!

Vector set of decorative elements, border and page rules frame

In summary, I wholeheartedly encourage realistic talks about the future and wedding prospects with potential suitors. It’s actually an excellent way to weed out the serious candidates from the nonsensical time wasters. Trust me, I’ve tried it and it works. It is a painful thing to endure being in a relationship where both parties are on different pages re: the marriage question, and this only comes to light after many years of courting. However, there really is no rush! As you’ve just read – haste makes mistakes. Do you think those people egging you on will be there to deal with your 3am arguments with your spouse? No. They just wanted to pop Supermalt, pack plenty containers of rice and “do image” on Instagram with your wedding hashtag and a feature on Bella Naija.

Love in itself is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4), so why aren’t we?

Vector set of decorative elements, border and page rules frame

Getting married young shouldn’t be about following trends:

We’ll get married when God says so!

I’ll leave you with the wise words of a lyrically apt Christian rapper, which references Proverbs 18:22:

“See it’s he who find a wife. It ain’t he who find a bae. Why haste?” 

S.O – Wait (So It Ends album)

And a short Instagram video that never fails to make me laugh.

So what are your thoughts on the pressure to get married young and rushing into marriages generally? I welcome comments from both the married and unmarried – let’s share and learn in the comments below 🙂

God bless you!

Wunms.

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15 thoughts on ““When will you marry?”

  1. the worst kind of “when will you marry?” enquiry is the one that makes it seem like the purpose to life is marriage. I’m all for ever afters, and spending years on earth committed to the person I cherish, but I really do hope people are not getting pressured into marriage. These times are the worst to marry the wrong person in haste. Divorce rate has skyrocketed, and people seem careless and disrespect the sanctity of the marriage institution.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Oluchee – thank you for your insight. I agree, there is much more to the purpose of life than simply marriage. I read a shocking statistic recently that 50% of marriages end in divorce! That’s half… crazy! Hence why I stress the importance of not rushing into anything just because of the pressure. It’s a big decision..

      Thanks so much for reading, I will check out your blog too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hiya fellow blogger! 😀

    Thankful that I stumbled across your page because gurll this topic lol *sips chai tea*. I just got back from working in Spain for a year as a Placement Abroad so I have another year before I finish my undergrad, but it was only 2 days ago that my beautifully traditional mother was asking “so ti n’ni boyfriend?”. *sigh* I relate unbelievably to Folawe-Chan. I’m 21 years old, my age-mates are also starting to send me wedding invites lol but the more I think about what I want and what I need, the disparity becomes more and more apparent, although I very much desire a partner, I want to focus on who I am, what I am doing, and growing as a disciple, the fact that getting married or in a relationship takes time and work and is a process sef has me thinking ‘… yaaa, later’ lol. I currently entered into the ‘appreciating singleness but growing a distaste for marriage’, and talking like “oh, IF i ever get married..” etc lol and I had a dream about me being married and in the dream I was in a state of pure happiness. Lol I dont know if it was God’s way of humbling me and saying ‘girl, dont play yourself, you know this is still your hearts desire’ but I’m content with my singleness, it might be because I’m 21 and I still have 9 more years but society tells me its time to panic but I’m good for now lol.

    Also I’m such a huge supporter of young marriages! Thing is there are so many reasons why they couldnt work but we then use these collective reasons for why they *shouldnt* work, which is what I disagree with, esp because as Christians, maybe I’m too idealistic with this but being a disciple of Christ sef requires a certain level of maturity from the get go and I believe that for the couple to even be in a relationship they would have older/mature Christians in their lives who they can be transparent with and they can see the conditions of their hearts etc. But yeah lol really enjoyed this post lol!

    Will defo keep in contact xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey – thanks for commenting!

      Oh girl dw about “9 more years” loool, there are no hard and fast rules, you have as long as it takes. I think it’s a good mentality to have to appreciate singleness… As a single person there’s a lot you can be doing to prepare yourself for a life potentially as someone’s wife. Learning about yourself, spiritually maturing and getting closer to God, honing your talents – it’s actually an exciting time if you don’t get suckered into what I call “Bae Culture” which makes you feel lonely and dependent on people lol.

      I’m also a supporter of young marriages if they’re actually done for the right reasons and not as a result of the pressure which I talk about in this blog post. Me sef.. I’ll likely be getting married young but it’s certainly not because that seems to be the trend atm, you know? These big decisions require serious prayer sha.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post! I’ll take a look at your blog too 🙂 thanks again for reading xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. 😂😂😂 “They just wanted to pop Supermalt, pack plenty containers of rice and “do image” on Instagram with your wedding hashtag and a feature on Bella Naija.” so funny. I love this post and whole heartedly agree♥️
    I’ve also witnessed the flip-side of the coin – when people look down on young marriages that God Himself is at the centre of. We just have to shut our ears to society and truly look to God to reveal His unique purpose for us x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Looool I’m glad it made you laugh but on a more serious note – I definitely agree with you about the flipside! If we seek God first and foremost, the rest will be made clear to us for sure x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lovely post ! It resonates with me so much. I get asked the same question by my family all the time ! But you are right building a strong steady foundation is very important and thats the stage i am at ! Great advice , you have an amazing blog i love it xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I absolutely love this post! I’m 21 and have been married to my husband for a little over a year. I love how you wrote how marriage and all things love is on God’s timing. Im not sure where you live, but here in the United States its harder to get married younger due to people viewing you as a “child”. My husband and I actually got a lot of hate from many of our closest friends but we just knew God was calling us to marriage at a young age after years of friendship. I encourage you to wait on him! He’ll reveal his plan for you both. Love your blog!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Najah, thanks for sharing your story. I’m also 21 and I’m from the UK. I’m a British-Nigerian and in my culture, my peers tend to get married between 24 & 28 from what I’ve seen but this does vary depending on circumstance. The pressure to find a suitor however, starts much earlier! I think it’s so amazing that as a young person, you and your husband acted upon what God told you, not what naysayers thought. That takes real courage! I wish you all the best with your marriage and I pray that God takes you both from strength to strength! & AMEN! Thanks for reading 🙂 x

      Like

  6. Where do I even begin? This post resonates with me on so many levels! Next week I turn 21 and in a years time I would have graduated university, which means marriage should be the next thing on the to do list for me, right? >_> Um, not quite.

    Over the last few years, around 5 of my elder cousins have been getting married or have sent out their ‘save the date’s, and before I knew it in terms of age I was ‘next’ on my mum’s side, and most of the people older than me on my dad’s side are in relationships now too. So little by little I’m starting to feel the heat. My mum is always asking me if I’ve met any guys at school and my dad literally gave my phone number to some randomer! (Jesus take control D:)

    But honestly, even though I’m a die-hard romantic at heart, and I honestly wish I would get married before I turn 25, I’m also well aware that right now, a relationship is not what I need. I mean sure it’d be nice, but I have other things I need to focus on right now and probably for the next couple of years! (25 is looking like a push, mate..) Yet, I feel like saying that aloud would serve as a shock to most of the people around me because I’ve always been known as the romantic that I am.

    But recently I also realised that marriage isn’t for everyone – and while I pray that isn’t my portion, I’ve come to realise that sometimes what we want isn’t what God wants for us. Of course, coming to terms with that fact is easier said that done, especially when you’re surrounded by happy couples popping out babies left, right, front, back and center, but it’s a possibility nonetheless! I’m happy you included that bible verse of what Paul said cause it honestly just solidified thoughts I was already having – and I learned a thing or two about marriage/remarriage etc.

    Tbh there’s still so much I wanna comment on like the importance of friendship and knowing your partner, but this comment is getting kinda(?) long and you’ve said it all anyway XD Anyhow, I pray God chooses to bless both of us with wonderful husbands and I’m looking forward to the next post :3

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I definitely understand where you’re coming from! & Amen, I pray the same also 🙂

      I think lots of us are guilty of that 25 year goal lol, when you’re younger it just seems to make sense. But ultimately these things aren’t really about age in isolation, so many other more important factors to consider!

      & I’ll message you and we can discuss further 😉

      Glad you enjoyed though. Thanks for reading x

      Like

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