Hi guys, hope you’re all fantastic.
It’s nearly July – aka peak time for weddings. Today’s post is inspired by a hilarious tweet that I saw a few days ago that really resonated with a lot of people…
It got me thinking, I myself am probably asked
“So… when are you getting married, Wunmi?”
at least a few times a week. So I just wanted to briefly share some of my thoughts on this seemingly comical but ultimately very serious issue.
I suppose because I’ve finished university now these questions are coming thick and fast. What next? When’s the wedding? When do you think he’ll propose? Honestly speaking, my parents aren’t the culprits, which I’m very grateful for. And most people ask in jest, but that doesn’t take away the overwhelming pressure to find a partner and get married almost immediately nowadays. In fact, being in a serious relationship isn’t even a prerequisite to be quizzed about your future husband/wife or lack thereof! You just need to be breathing and you qualify for interrogation.
Wedding fever is now so prevalent that men and especially women over a certain age, can feel undesirable if they’re not “snapped up” in their supposed prime years of childbearing. Not only does this perpetuate insecurity in mature unmarried adults who may still be trusting and waiting on God to reveal to them their spouse, but it also reduces women to a baby-making-machine. That’s it – just have babies – God has no other purpose for you. WRONG! We also forget that it isn’t advisable for absolutely everyone to get married anyway – think about what Paul the Apostle, a trustworthy man of God, said about getting married in 1 Corinthians 7: 25-38.
Even more so, it’s as if society wants to skip the part which I believe is so crucial – truly knowing the character of the person you’re potentially going to marry. This part can take time! Like the above tweet suggests, it isn’t realistic to just “download your husband”. Why would you become one body with someone that you don’t know or most commonly nowadays, someone you only partially know?
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
Although time can be an excellent judge of character, I am told that married couples still discover new things about each other even after many decades of friendship and marriage. But it is key to get the basics down. One thing that has really become evident to me through attending so many weddings and talking to married couples is the reoccurring theme of establishing the foundation first. What is your relationship rooted in? Invest in learning and understanding the ins and outs of this person because friendship is a wonderful foundation to build a solid Christ-centred marriage on top of.
Don’t let your
or an idealistic fantasy of married life (based on wishy washy #RelationshipGoals and the media)
suck you into entering a life-long commitment under-prepared.
I’m no expert but I gather that marriage isn’t university fam, you can’t just retake if you have a bad day in the exam hall. This is your life.
“Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.”
I don’t believe that the word patiently is repeated in this Psalm by coincidence. Patience is important. Sometimes even with prayer and a discerning spirit, if you don’t have the patience and wisdom to match, you can fail to see a person’s true colours before arguably it’s too late. All the more reason why you shouldn’t make such an important decision hastily.
“Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.”
Essentially I just wanted to bring us all back down to earth. Instead of succumbing to the triple threat pressure from parents, peers and society, we need to really ask ourselves – are we ready? Did God say go? The reality of the situation is that your wedding day is just that. One day. It doesn’t matter how many years you devote to meticulously planning every last detail from the colour of the aso oke to the assortment of meats at the buffet. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s still just one day. It will come and before you know it, it will go. Your marriage however, should be forever and I sincerely pray that our generation will meet this standard and have long-lasting, loving, God-centred and not man-centred marriages!
In summary, I wholeheartedly encourage realistic talks about the future and wedding prospects with potential suitors. It’s actually an excellent way to weed out the serious candidates from the nonsensical time wasters. Trust me, I’ve tried it and it works. It is a painful thing to endure being in a relationship where both parties are on different pages re: the marriage question, and this only comes to light after many years of courting. However, there really is no rush! As you’ve just read – haste makes mistakes. Do you think those people egging you on will be there to deal with your 3am arguments with your spouse? No. They just wanted to pop Supermalt, pack plenty containers of rice and “do image” on Instagram with your wedding hashtag and a feature on Bella Naija.
Love in itself is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4), so why aren’t we?
Getting married young shouldn’t be about following trends:
We’ll get married when God says so!
I’ll leave you with the wise words of a lyrically apt Christian rapper, which references Proverbs 18:22:
“See it’s he who find a wife. It ain’t he who find a bae. Why haste?”
And a short Instagram video that never fails to make me laugh.
So what are your thoughts on the pressure to get married young and rushing into marriages generally? I welcome comments from both the married and unmarried – let’s share and learn in the comments below 🙂
God bless you!