The Untold Truth About #RelationshipGoals

Hey guys,

How’s everyone doing? Today I want to talk about a common phrase that I really dislike, #RelationshipGoals. I’m sure most of you are already very familiar but for the sake of context and to bring everyone up to speed, I’ll explain. #RelationshipGoals, “couple goals”, “bae goals” or however else the cool kids are terming it these days, is the phrase used to describe a couple that many people are envious of. They are seen as the ultimate couple i.e. the perfect relationship. Often the couple is famous, popular or somehow living lavishly (but that’s not always the case).

We live in a world where many of us are more concerned with other people than ourselves. Hence, gossiping and nosiness regarding relationships is rife and I’ll admit, sometimes it’s hard to steer clear of even though we should! Recently the termination of a popular couple’s relationship shocked the internet. The couple, who I’ll call X and Y, quickly shot to social-media-fame due to the success of their joint YouTube channel which primarily showcased and documented their relationship. After about a year or so of showcasing their relationship online, when Y announced that the relationship was over, the online community was stunned. In the aftermath of X and Y‘s breakup I read (yes, nosiness! *sigh*) a lot of dramatic tweets on Twitter which looked something like this:

“If X and Y are really over, I have no chance at being happy in a relationship.”

“Can’t believe X and Y have broken up – they were goalsssssssss!”

“Love definitely doesn’t exist if X and Y are over.”

You get the point. The general consensus is that people had idolised this couple sooo much that their expectations of love and relationships in general hinged on the success of the couple’s relationship. They struggled to see a happy future for themselves if their idols couldn’t make it work. Yes the finality of the relationship shocked the couple’s “fans” but to be frank, from an outsider’s perspective, what did we really know about the ins and outs of the relationship? Nothing! We made huge assumptions about the success of a relationship between two ordinary people, based on the lifestyle and carefully curated image that they portrayed to us online. Remember, YouTube is a money making vehicle, they may have been lovers but they were certainly business partners with financial interests too. And here’s a harsh truth: all that glitters is not gold. 

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Twitter: @Wunms

 

Basing your relationship ideals on what you perceive to be displayed in other people’s relationships is a dangerous way to love. It breeds jealousy, envy and insecurity, three things which should have no place in a healthy relationship. Prioritising #RelationshipGoals will lead you to constantly be comparing yourself to other couples and if you fall short you’ll be dissatisfied with your relationship, even if you’re in a good place! How crazy is that? We are potentially pinning our hopes and aspirations for our own relationships on a facade… On a glittery image that looks nice on the outside but really, could be rotten on the inside! So whilst a relationship may seem like most people’s idea of perfection — free from arguments, frequent date nights, overflowing romance, luxurious holidays and expensive giftsno relationship is perfect and no couple is without flaws.

What I’m trying to say is, rather than looking to someone else to be your “goal”, why not create your own standard agreed between you and your partner? I’m not suggesting that you can’t be positively influenced by the good representations of relationships that you see… take the good from the good (with a pinch of salt). But I’m urging us all to be more careful about who we allow to influence us and not let comparison steer us into destruction. We don’t need #RelationshipGoals, what we really need is the grace of God to enable our relationships with eachother to flourish. I’m not going to be the first to tell you that relationships are not always butterflies and rainbows – they require you to make an effort, compromise and sometimes sacrifice. But if a relationship is blessed by God and it is His will for you to be with that person, no matter the trials and obstacles you may face, you’ll overcome them. You don’t need man-centred #RelationshipGoals to validate your chances of success in a relationship; what you need is a God-centred relationship!

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” — Ephesians 4:2-3

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” — Mark 10:9 

That’s all from me for now. So what are your thoughts on #RelationshipGoals? Do they play a big role in how you are in relationships and what you want from your partner? Let’s continue this discussion in the comments down below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!


God bless you!

Wunms.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. — 1 Corinthians 13:4-7


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22 thoughts on “The Untold Truth About #RelationshipGoals

  1. I couldn’t agree more with this! 🙂
    Truth be told I had never heard of the couple till yesterday when people around me seemed to be losing their cool as if it had happened to them personally.
    It is a dangerous thing when we shift our standards from Gods word to others around us.

    Thank you for the post
    x

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I actually have no idea how I came across your blog post. I know i was searching for something via google but I can’t remember exactly what! I’m glad I did though, I love reading through your posts 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. With social media in play more and more, it really sets unhealthy views and expectations on relationships. Thankfully, my hubs and I got together when the social media craze was just starting and don’t base our goals on what we see online. Our relationship goals include matching high credit scores, not just buying a house but making it a HOME and raising decent kids.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. One I loved your voice as you wrote this. Two I’d love to collab with you! Three this is so true even I am guilty of admiring false profits forgetting that they are getting a gain off of each ‘like’ I throw their way. Absolutely fantastic post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad the post made you think introspectively! Thank you so much, going to check out your blog right after this. A collab would be really cool, I’ll get to brain-storming ideas 🎉

      Like

  4. Great read! No relationship is alike and we do have to create our own standards and “goals” so to speak. There is nothing wrong with admiring other couples and being inspired however idolatry is what leads to unhealthy, unrealistic expectations. I don’t really like the term #relationshipgoals either to be honest lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Tiffany! Definitely true, idolatry is a big no. I think it also just leads to inevitable disappointment because ultimately people are just people. We’re so flawed and we shouldn’t be idolised at all

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  5. Love this! How funny that I was just talking to a friend about this! We have to create our own standards of a relationship because we are all different individually therefore every relationship is different! Great read my girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Wunmi, great article, relationship goals online? I’m too busy working on my relationships with my family and friends. Communication is key. You have to be selective online otherwise you miss what and who is in front of you. We recently ate out in London for our anniversary and I was quite shocked at the number of couples sitting together and checking their phones, what!! It is important to have joint goals and individual goals for a great relationship. Another great blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts Gavin! The comment about the couples eating out made me laugh lol, I guess that’s just what society has become unfortunately

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    1. Yup, it’s a highlight reel for most people including myself. I tend not to post super negative things and neither do most people. So really it’s not an accurate representation of real real life

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  7. I LOVE THIS! The past few years I’ve had so many people use that term even when watching my husband and I and it drove me crazy! NO ONE ever understand the work that goes into a relationship. they just want what looks good. Not everything that shines is gold. I love my marriage, but it took a lot of work and it’s never as easy as people think. Too many people get married based on what they see and then feel tricked when trouble arises in their relationships..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s it! People often want what LOOKS good, you hit the nail on the head. Thanks for sharing your experiences, can definitely relate although I’m not yet married

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  8. I agree 1000% with everything you have said here. However, I don’t think the idea of #goals is the real issue at hand. I think it’s just human nature to want to follow/have a set standard to work towards. It would be foolish to assume that there is no background story, after all, the main purpose for which many use social media is to showcase their highlight reel.
    The unfortunate truth is that too many people go into relationships without standards for themselves, meaning now/low expectations for their relationships and sometimes they need to see something else as #goals in order to understand that they deserve better.
    Just like everything else in life I think people just need to be careful and take proper responsibility when deciding how to apply what they see online to their own individual situations. Great post- as you can see it definitely got me thinking 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a really fair point to be honest, I’m happy that you’re sharing another perspective. You’ve got me thinking too lol. Lacking concrete standards for your own relationship is definitely problematic, but as you said, I guess this is the heart of the issue. Maybe some #goals can be genuinely beneficial (as I said, take the good from the good with a pinch of salt lol), but the obsessive pursuit of copying other people who seem to be so-called “perfect” is where I draw the line.

      Thanks so much for reading and leaving a thoughtful comment as always xx

      Liked by 1 person

  9. You know sometimes, I feel like I’m so online, I can’t miss anything but I did see some similar tweets about this whole youtube thing but I didn’t put one and two together. It’s only now I’m going online to read some of the gossip blogs about it and even saw the Y’s Instagram post, Honestly, I actually loved them, they seemed like they had finally found ‘the ones’ and I feel so sad typing this because it seemed like they were going to go a long way perhaps even get married.

    You’re so right Wunms, this #relationshipgoals thing is not it at all. With social media, it’s so easy to want what another person has and feel like ours is crap, they’re probably some girls who may have seen X and Y’s relationship and walked out on theirs just because it wasn’t measuring up, anyway before I write a blog post in your ocmment section imma just leave now. Thanks for sharing ! xx

    Guys Never Noticed Me, Why?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Danie – you’re definitely not alone there, I also kinda liked X and Y when I first came across their channel. They seemed cute but that’s all it was for me, I never really invested/bought into the relationship because as I said, I’m an outsider and I know nothing really! It’s just so unhealthy to idolise other couples in the way that we often do. And yeah I also think that the publicity of X and Y’s relationship probably caused a few relationships to end in real life due to the comparison lol! Not that that’s X and Y’s fault per se, but yeah, we all need to wise up! Thanks for reading and for the mini essay haha – thoroughly enjoyed reading xxx

      Like

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