How’s everyone doing? Today I want to talk about a common phrase that I really dislike, #RelationshipGoals. I’m sure most of you are already very familiar but for the sake of context and to bring everyone up to speed, I’ll explain. #RelationshipGoals, “couple goals”, “bae goals” or however else the cool kids are terming it these days, is the phrase used to describe a couple that many people are envious of. They are seen as the ultimate couple i.e. the perfect relationship. Often the couple is famous, popular or somehow living lavishly (but that’s not always the case).
We live in a world where many of us are more concerned with other people than ourselves. Hence, gossiping and nosiness regarding relationships is rife and I’ll admit, sometimes it’s hard to steer clear of even though we should! Recently the termination of a popular couple’s relationship shocked the internet. The couple, who I’ll call X and Y, quickly shot to social-media-fame due to the success of their joint YouTube channel which primarily showcased and documented their relationship. After about a year or so of showcasing their relationship online, when Y announced that the relationship was over, the online community was stunned. In the aftermath of X and Y‘s breakup I read (yes, nosiness! *sigh*) a lot of dramatic tweets on Twitter which looked something like this:
“If X and Y are really over, I have no chance at being happy in a relationship.”
“Can’t believe X and Y have broken up – they were goalsssssssss!”
“Love definitely doesn’t exist if X and Y are over.”
You get the point. The general consensus is that people had idolised this couple sooo much that their expectations of love and relationships in general hinged on the success of the couple’s relationship. They struggled to see a happy future for themselves if their idols couldn’t make it work. Yes the finality of the relationship shocked the couple’s “fans” but to be frank, from an outsider’s perspective, what did we really know about the ins and outs of the relationship? Nothing! We made huge assumptions about the success of a relationship between two ordinary people, based on the lifestyle and carefully curated image that they portrayed to us online. Remember, YouTube is a money making vehicle, they may have been lovers but they were certainly business partners with financial interests too. And here’s a harsh truth: all that glitters is not gold.
Basing your relationship ideals on what you perceive to be displayed in other people’s relationships is a dangerous way to love. It breeds jealousy, envy and insecurity, three things which should have no place in a healthy relationship. Prioritising #RelationshipGoals will lead you to constantly be comparing yourself to other couples and if you fall short you’ll be dissatisfied with your relationship, even if you’re in a good place! How crazy is that? We are potentially pinning our hopes and aspirations for our own relationships on a facade… On a glittery image that looks nice on the outside but really, could be rotten on the inside! So whilst a relationship may seem like most people’s idea of perfection —
free from arguments, frequent date nights, overflowing romance, luxurious holidays and expensive gifts — no relationship is perfect and no couple is without flaws.
What I’m trying to say is, rather than looking to someone else to be your “goal”, why not create your own standard agreed between you and your partner? I’m not suggesting that you can’t be positively influenced by the good representations of relationships that you see… take the good from the good (with a pinch of salt). But I’m urging us all to be more careful about who we allow to influence us and not let comparison steer us into destruction. We don’t need #RelationshipGoals, what we really need is the grace of God to enable our relationships with eachother to flourish. I’m not going to be the first to tell you that relationships are not always butterflies and rainbows – they require you to make an effort, compromise and sometimes sacrifice. But if a relationship is blessed by God and it is His will for you to be with that person, no matter the trials and obstacles you may face, you’ll overcome them. You don’t need man-centred #RelationshipGoals to validate your chances of success in a relationship; what you need is a God-centred relationship!
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” — Ephesians 4:2-3
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” — Mark 10:9
That’s all from me for now. So what are your thoughts on #RelationshipGoals? Do they play a big role in how you are in relationships and what you want from your partner? Let’s continue this discussion in the comments down below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
God bless you!
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. — 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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