Bride To Be Blog 2: How We Met, Finding “The One”, Feminism vs Christianity? & More

Hey guys,

I know, I know. Very long time, no blog. I apologise for my absence, it wasn’t planned at all. I took a bit of a break from blogging throughout March and April to focus on other priorities and getting my life together (a lot has happened in the last two months, more to come on that later). However, today’s blog post was highly requested when I got engaged. If you haven’t read the first couple of posts in my Bride To Be Blog series where I shared the “story” of how my fiancé proposed and my celibacy experience, feel free to check those out before this one.

Now onto your FAQs:

How long have you and your fiancé been together?

It’ll be 5 years this August.

How did you meet your fiancé?

I was friends with some of his family through school, so we were aware of each other for a while… but we developed a meaningful friendship through attending the same weekly house fellowship/bible study. #GodDidThat!

Was the proposal a surprise?

Yes and no. I was very surprised by how and precisely when he did it. I really didn’t think when I woke up on that particular Sunday and got ready for church, I was hours away from getting engaged. But I knew it was coming because we talked about marriage all the time. Plus, he actually told me that he intends to propose before 2017 ends… and we had reached October so it was only a matter of time.

Jesse Konadu Photography

Did you read any relevant books before getting engaged?

After being intrigued by the logic behind his popular 90 Day Rule (a dating principle whereby women withhold sex from their partner for the first 90 days i.e. 3 months of dating/getting to know someone), I read Steve Harvey’s “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy And Commitment”.  But to be honest I wouldn’t recommend it. Whilst some of Steve’s “advice” made sense, largely the book advocates for a lot of things that just aren’t biblical and I don’t agree with. For example, it encourages playing mind games with your partner to achieve your desired result and purposely saying what you don’t mean. I read this book out of curiosity, I wasn’t really seeking marriage advice! But I’ll save you the trouble, you’re better off not reading it.

And I’ve also read Heather Lindsey’s “Pink Lips & Empty Hearts”, the all-in-one book for The Woman After God’s Own Heart. Now this is a book that I actually would recommend to single women. It was a bit slow to start, but Heather eventually does share a lot of wisdom by narrating her journey through navigating difficult jobs and discovering her purpose as a woman of God. After reading this book it made me more introspective about the kind of woman I want to be.

Buy Now?

Do you plan to read any relevant books before getting married?

Yes, I shall be borrowing “The Meaning of Marriage” by Tim Keller to read soon, it was recommended to me and I’ve read a lot of positive reviews about it. I’d also like to read “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, which covers how to express heartfelt commitment to your partner in different ways. I’m looking forward to reading both. Let me know in the comments down below if you have any other recommendations (they don’t have to be explicitly about marriage).

How did people react to you getting engaged?

People were happy for us. Lots of people saw it coming but a few people were still surprised. Overall the general consensus was heartwarming and positive, which I am truly very grateful for.

Jesse Konadu Photography

When are you getting married?

March 2019, the countdown has begun. 📆💃🏾

Can you give us some advice on finding “The One”?

Ha! When I received this question I really didn’t know what to say. I’ve had a while to think about my best possible answer now, so I will say this:

I don’t believe in “The One” in the conventional sense i.e. that God has designed only one very specific person for you. And you are only 100% compatible with this one person out of all the billions of people wandering this earth. If that’s what you mean by The One then sorry, but I don’t relate. I personally think there’s probably several people out there that you could be compatible with and could ultimately have a very pleasant married life with. That’s why people “click” with lots of different people. However, I believe in God-ordained relationships and marriages, meaning that God has “cosigned” it and He has brought two people together to fulfill His perfect will.

Therefore what God has joined together, let no-one separate. –  Mark 10:9

So now the question is, how can you find that person that God wills you to be with?

Honestly, I have three main things to say on this. Firstly, try not to fixate on finding someone and instead, allow yourself to be found. I know it sounds so cheesy but it’s true in my case, I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend when my fiancé came into my life, I was busy trying to pass my exams and get into university 😂😳

Secondly, by allowing yourself to be found, you have to actually be worth finding. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22), so you really have to ask yourself, are yougood thing worth finding? In more practical terms, this means actively working on your character and developing yourself as an individual person before uniting with someone else. This could be through developing your relationships with your family and friends, getting involved in more activities and hobbies that you’re passionate about, taking on some kind of responsibility, going on a journey of self discovery, getting closer to God, whatever you need to do to be completely confident and whole within yourself, do it!! When you’re single is the perfect time to master yourself.

Thirdly and finally, I suppose you want to know where to “look”. Well, as I said, I developed a friendship with my fiancé through us both attending the same weekly house fellowship. We’d meet every Monday at someone’s house and talk about real life issues that we face as young Christians and read the Bible together (we still attend that same fellowship to this day :)). It’s a bit of a cliche to say that you’ll find good men and women in the church but honestly, it’s not a bad place to start! I can think of worse places lol. This doesn’t mean you should just join a church or fellowship so that you can find a husband or wife, but rather, you should appreciate that God might actually have someone for you in these spaces. More generally, I also advise being as personable as you can be… it’s hard to meet people if you don’t go out and socialise or if you’re too closed off or into yourself.

That’s all I have to say about finding “The One”. What do you think? Do you believe in The One and what advice would you give to someone in search of a serious relationship?

What do you think about feminism and how do you reconcile that with being a (Christian) wife?

Well, without writing a dissertation for you guys, my views are quite simple. I don’t identify or define myself as a modern day “feminist”. This is mainly because feminism as a movement has so many schools of thought and I wouldn’t want to align myself with something so problematic. There are many feminist groups that I categorically cannot agree with, for example more radical feminists who promote abortion and homosexuality. Both of which, to me as a Christian, are sinful.

Here’s what I do believe: men and women are equal spiritually in the eyes of God:

There is [now no distinction in regard to salvation] neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you [who believe] are all one in Christ Jesus [no one can claim a spiritual superiority]. Galatians 3:28

(and unfortunately not in the eyes of man, because frankly we live in a fallen, corrupt, patriarchal society – a world dominated by men). I believe that women are powerful, women are valuable, and women should have as many opportunities to advance and progress in life as men.

However, I don’t support ideologies that suggest men and women are entirely “the same” or that our differences are just a social construct. God created men and women to be different intentionally. God’s design for men and women is so intricately clever that we are interdependent:

Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. – 1 Corinthians 11:11-12

So as a Christian wife, I understand that God has called me to fulfill a unique but equally important role in my marriage. And I don’t see anything wrong with that – knowing that I am not the same as a man, but not a lesser being either (See Ephesians 5 for more on marital roles).

How’s wedding planning going?

So much better now. We got off to a pretty slow start to be honest, weeks were rolling into months and we hadn’t achieved much in the first quarter of our engagement. But I’m really enjoying the planning process now. So far this year we’ve ticked a lot of major things off our list e.g. setting a date and booking the venue(s). I’ve also found my wedding dress (eeek!! it’s beautiful!), among many other exciting things.

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And for anyone reading this that might be newly engaged or just as a piece of advice for the future… don’t let the planning phase stress you out. People might have lots of conflicting opinions about how you should do things for your wedding; weddings can be extremely expensive and that might cause a strain on you; you might feel like there’s too much to do and too little time to do it… all of this has the potential to be highly stressful, but just stop! Stop and try to find a way to enjoy these little moments as much as you can, because every season is exactly that… a temporary phase in your life which will eventually pass. Your engagement period is a season, it will be over before you know it. It would be a real shame to allow yourself to get so stressed out by planning your wedding that you hardly remember to enjoy the big day itself.

I’ve also got an amazing wedding planner which helps to take some of the pressure off my shoulders – KIT Events! Check them out, I highly recommend their event planning services.

Thanks for reading and for your continued support. As always, feel free to interact with me in the comment section below. I have a bunch of ideas but let me know what other posts you’d like to see in my Bride To Be series.


God bless you!

Wunms.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. – Philippians 4:8

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14 thoughts on “Bride To Be Blog 2: How We Met, Finding “The One”, Feminism vs Christianity? & More

  1. Good luck on your wedding planning! Excited to see how it all pans out. 🙂
    You raised a lot of good points in this article which i agree with however

    one point though from what you’ve described above about what you believe in then I would consider you a feminist or atleast having feminist values if you believe in equal rights and opportunities for the female gender. As for abortion and homosexuality those are liberal values and not attributed to “modern day feminists” only anyone can believe in it, and fighting for Equality does not necessarily mean equal means the same.

    I think Feminism has gotten a bad rep nowadays which is sad because every movement on earth has all it extremes regardless. there are different areas and very complex. But at the end of the day if you believe in ‘the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.’ then you should identify as one. Even before our time there were women who fought for us to vote/ got to school/work etc and I’m very sure they were also seen as radical then but here we are today enjoying all the benefits.

    I just find it sad people shy away from the word because they feel it has a negative connotation now despite the great strides the movement is making empowering women all over the world etc.(and I’m not just talking about about western/white feminism) And tbh it has been happening all over the world for centuries but not just coined as the word feminism.
    It’s like saying I believe in God and I’m religious but because there are so many denominations and extremist religious christian groups which I don’t agree with personally then I won’t identify as a modern day christian when infact you are regardless of the extreminism.

    At the end of the day I guess the choice is yours but just wanted to provide a different angle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Wendy! Thanks so much 😊 I really appreciate you taking the time to leave this comment, you’ve raised a lot of points I wasn’t able to cover in my word count.

      I don’t mind if you would consider me a feminist or suggest that I have some feminist values based on what I said, this just means that aspects of the Bible/God supports what some feminists may believe. I just personally don’t feel a need to identify as a feminist (for the reasons I gave), but yh, if others feel a need to label me that’s ok and that’s their choice. How I choose to identify doesn’t have to offend those that want to identify as feminists. I believe that just because one supports women’s rights doesn’t mean that they *should* identity as feminist, there are some agendas that some feminists push that I don’t support so the average feminist may not even consider me one anyway. Hope that makes sense?

      Also, I can totally understand your point about feminism receiving a bad reputation nowadays. I wasn’t trying to add to that tbh, but apologies if it came across that way! I really don’t hold anything malicious against feminism, and as I’ve said lots of times on my blog, I support equality (defined above, not to be taken out of context) and therefore advocate for women’s rights (check my last blog post for example).

      And lastly, the Bible foretold the division of Christianity, false preachers, false prophets and people that will try and corrupt the word of God. So the presence of multiple denominations and fake “Christian” ideologies don’t stop me from calling myself a Christian. [On that note lol, I don’t actually believe in the separation of the church through denominations (I think it’s divisive and unhelpful), so when I’m asked what type of Christian I am, I do state that I’m non-denominational and that I just believe wholeheartedly in the Bible that I am saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, who died for my sins. That’s all lol.]

      Again, thanks for reading and engaging Wendy!! ☺️💕💕

      Like

  2. Hey sis, wonderful blog and congratulations to you both🙌🙌🙌this was an awesome read. I pray God will continue to bless your relationship and I cannot wait to see you in your beautiful dress. Have u heard about the book called the biblical marriage by Joshua Paul? Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Joanne! Thank you so much, Amen 🙏🏽😘 really appreciate your kind words. And aww, I’ll make sure there’s lots of photos for you lol.

      No, I haven’t heard about it! Tell me more xx

      Like

  3. This is the most honest and humble testimony written with your heart. Congratulations on your engagement. I totally agree with you on finding the One is just a preparation period like Esther was trained by Mordecai before meeting the king. One thing for sure finding your purpose as a lady is very important for your personal growth sometimes we rush ourself without allowing God first. Like I always say to my friends, pray when it comes to life partner because it will determine either your destiny to go forward or backward.
    As the Bible say”he who find a wife find a good thing. Work on yourself and let the man find you. I know sometimes we ladies can be desperate but patience is the key.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Merline, I appreciate it 💕 & Wonderfully said – patience is most definitely the key, one of the fruits of the Spirit in fact. It’s so important to be in line with God’s will in this area of our lives because marriage is forever. Sometimes we allow our false ideas about where we should be in life by what age to derail us from what we should really be focussed on. God’s timing is everythingggg!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Congrats on your engagement! Our views on marriage and marital roles are very similar. I am actually a divorcee but since becoming a follower of Christ my views of marriage have completely shifted. I have learned I need to first pursue God and His calling for my life and the rest will fall into place according to His will. I believe in allowing your husband to lead you spiritually and in other areas but that mutual respect is key in any relationship, not just marriage. Great read and can’t wait to see more posts

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jessie, welcomeeee. Thanks so much for your comment, that’s a really beautiful testimony. And you’re absolutely right, I agree, we need to seek Him first and the rest will surely fall into place according to His will for our lives 💃🏾🎉
      And I also agree with what you said about spiritual leadership and mutual respect, that’s so important. God bless you 💕

      Like

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